


Stupid humans rule the stupid school

by Homestuck413



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Hierarchies, Highbloods in prison for life, M/M, Not Humanstuck, Schoolstuck, Trolls kinda subservient to humans because of a war that ended with basically a movie cliche, Trolls on Earth, swearwords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8324338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homestuck413/pseuds/Homestuck413
Summary: In a school named Sburb, many teenagers go about their daily lives; meeting new friends, facing old rivals, all with a little romance thrown in to make things really exciting. Most schools only get to this level of excitement, so it's no wonder it takes so long for anyone to realize there are some people there who aren't supposed to be...





	1. Karkat: Have your first day of a new school year

Karkat scowled as he walked into his tutor room, ignoring the others in the room and plonking himself down in his seat next to Sollux Captor, the yellow blood who he considered a friend.

"II would a2k what'2 up but II'm not iin the mood for a lecture on the woe2 of Karkat Vanta2." If it was possible, Karkat scowled more, but didn't say anything as their tutor teacher walked into the room. Most people liked Mr Hussie, but Karkat wasn't convinced, and tuned out all he had to say, just grabbing his timetable off the worthless excuse for an organism most people called a human, looked at what lesson he had next and threw the piece of paper in his bag, waiting until the bell went and then stalking out of the room.

"2o, what'2 your next le22on KK?" Sollux caught up with him.

"Maths. I hope to Jegus that the teacher's good." Karkat resented the smirk that decided to place its sorry ass on Sollux's face.

"And by that you mean a troll. Not goiing two happen, KK. You know they only choo2e human2 for a job a2 iimportant a2 teachiing the young." Sollux may have been an asshole, but part of the thing that made him an asshole was the very fact he was right most of the time.

"Fuck off, Captor. What lesson are you going to anyway?" Karkat shrugged off a little bit of his annoyance.

"IICT. 2ee you at break." And with that, Sollux managed for once in his life to fuck off. It was like it was Christmas, only with less assholes singing stupid fucking carols or whatever in your ear. Fuck your Earth culture, Karkat couldn't care less that it was human tradition; where his species came from there was no such thing. Probably. He didn't really know. Nobody did. Stupid humans winning some stupid war ages ago that meant they got to stupidly fucking oppress Trollkind. Stupid fucking fuckers.

Karkat arrived at maths, where there was a stupid looking human teacher as Sollux so lovingly fucking predicted. He didn't even really care as the teacher told them all where to sit, ignoring the human sat next to him. He didn't give a fuck about humans anyway, or their stupid ancient numbers fucking fetish. It wasn't until the human next to him poked him with a pencil 5 times in a row that he even started paying attention.

"What?" He looked over at the fucker. He looked damn ridiculous, wearing sunglasses inside. He probably couldn't see shit.

"Hey, I'm Dave Strider. Just thought you'd like to know." The stupid-looking human now known to Karkat as Dave kept a straight face. Most humans smiled like idiots at you, but not this one apparently.

"And I'm leave me the fuck alone, nice to meet you." Karkat went back to facing away from the Dave human, but it kept talking.

"Hi leave me the fuck alone, I'm Dave. Wait, I already said that. Crap. Ignore that. Anyway, you might want to pay attention because there's some seriously difficult shit going down up there on the board." The Dave human gestured with his head up at the board. Karkat, following his weird head-flick-thingy looked up to see the teacher explaining how this new method of multiplication was 20% easier to use than the old way everyone had been taught. Karkat decided this was bullshit and looked back over to the Dave human, who was now wearing a little smirk.

"Oh, fuck off." Karkat didn't put too much conviction into his words, instead plonking his head down on the desk.

"Hey, if you told me your real name, I might do." The human could be looking him in the eyes, or he could be looking out the window. Either way, Karkat didn't really care, but he decided to humour him. What was the harm of saying a name?

"Oh, alright. I'm-" Karkat was cut off.

"Mr Vantas, pay attention! This equation is going to be useful for future exams!" Karkat sighed, ignoring what he assumed was the human's stare through those mirror shades of his, and zoned out with his eyes on the board.

*** 

"2o, how wa2 math2?" Sollux joined Karkat in their usual meeting classroom; not in the canteen where it was noisy all the time, but not outside where it was fucking cold as shit.

"Awful." Karkat hated that smirk Sollux put on whenever he was about to say something extremely witty.

"2o a human teacher then." Sollux's smirk grew into a proper smile as Karkat nodded.

"There was also this asshole human sitting next to me. He was wearing fucking sunglasses inside! Who the fuck even does that!" Karkat leant back on his chair, putting his feet up on the table.

"Diid thii2 human happen two be called Dave 2triider?" Sollux's question caught Karkat off guard.

"Uh, I didn't get his last name, but yeah, a human called Dave. Why, you know him?" Karkat was now thoroughly confused.

"Of cour2e II know hiim. Ju2t about everyone know2 hiim. He'2 the iinfamous Dave 2triider, coolkiid never 2een wiithout hii2 2hade2. II wouldn't try and have anythiing two do wiith hiim iif II were you. He wa2 probably ju2t tryiing two fuck wiith you. He'2 bad new2, that one." Sollux shook his head, as if he was pitying Karkat for not knowing he was getting into this situation before he got into it. Damn that Dave human.

"Well then, fuck him."

"You go do that. II'll be iin 2ciience all alone wiithout a partner then." Sollux mock-walked away, and about 2 seconds later the bell rung.

"Oh, fuck off Captor."

*** 

As it turned out, Sollux may be partner-less still. No, Karkat had not hit it off with the Dave human; simply they were in different groups, that was all, you sick fuckers. This time, they were allowed to sit wherever they wanted. Karkat sat on a table away from everyone else, and who would sit next to him but the 'iinfamous' Dave Strider.

"Hi. Looks like we'll be seeing a bit more of eachother from now on." The human showed no emotion whatsoever towards this, although he must be feeling pretty proud of himself for fucking so thoroughly with this troll he'd only just met.

"What I said in maths I meant. Leave me alone." Karkat tried to focus on the stupid human teacher stupidly introducing himself.

"And you were also about to give me the other part of your name that I don't know, Mr Vantas." The human surely was proud; he certainly was showing it.

"Fuck off, alright? The gig is up, my friend told me about you. No need to fucking pretend any more. I can even pretend to push you off your chair so they move me away from you, just leave me alone." Karkat thought for a second there was distress on the human's face, but then decided that it must be just the fact he'd been caught in the act.

"Dude, I don't know what you've heard, but you've heard wrong. I'm not trying to fuck with you or anything. Really. All I want to know is your name." The Dave human was trying to get Karkat to give a shit, but if you don't sound sincere then nobody will ever give a shit. The stupid fuckass should've learnt this a long time ago.

"No. If I tell you my name you'll fucking try and internet stalk me, and get all your asswipe friends in it too, and one of you might accidently find me online and fucking clog up the message bit with your fucking childish excuses for death threats." Karkat turned away from the human, who seemed honest to Gog surprised.

"No. No fucking way would me or my friends ever do that. You know why? Because I don't give a shit about if you're unpopular or some shit because you're a troll or whatever. I won't even fucking look. And my friends are all fucking sunshine and damn rainbows. All I saw in you was some guy who was having a hard time and needed a fucking friend. But I guess since you've shat on my damn olive branch twice now I won't even bother. I hope we get fucking moved away from eachother, asshole." And it was at that point and that point only when this stupid fucker of a human that Karkat had despised for half the day because of his shades, lack of facial expressions, and generally being the biggest dickwipe in the school to wondering if said dickwipe had feelings that Karkat had hurt. Sympathy was the fucking worst emotion to feel and yet Karkat was giving it his full fucking attention, and that was the most annoying thing that had ever happened since Alternia lost the biggest war of the galaxy to this pitiful race.


	2. Karkat: Be Dave

Dave entered his tutor room, sitting on his desk and looking over to the nerdy-looking kid next to him, with his nerd glasses and old-ass film referencing t-shirt.

"Hi Dave!" The nerdy-looking kid's name was John Egbert. He'd received that name at 13, although it was before that when he became Dave's best bro.

"Sup." Dave put his feet on the chair, showcasing the irony for all to see.

"So, did you see that kid from maths again?" John's words made Dave frown, remembering back to the elusive asshole Mr Vantas.

"Yeah. He's an asshole. Started spouting about how he knew what I was trying to do, that his friend had told him about me in a bad way or some shit like that. I mean, all I did was sit next to him and ask 'Hey, what's your name?' What an asshole." Dave realised he was frowning and quickly put his poker face back on. It was better to not let John know how much of an asshole he really thought this Mr Vantas was. At that moment, the door swung open and Rose walked in.

"Hi Rose!" John waved to the entering girl, receiving a nod of acknowledgement rather than a wave back. She sat next to Dave on his desk, forcing him to budge up.

"So, what was our topic of discussion before I walked in then?" Rose looked around at the two, and Dave thought about lying before John answered.

"Just about this boy that Dave met in maths. He was being an asshole, Dave's words, not mine." John put his hands up, as though it would mean anything.

"Oh? Human or troll?" Rose's intrigue was piqued, Dave knew that much. He and Rose had spent so much time together as kids, they may as well be brother and sister, so he knew when she was interested in something. Like when she first met that troll girl, although at the time Dave sensed that it was probably a different type of interest than the analytical intrigue that she usually showed when around Dave.

"Troll. His symbol-thingy on his shirt was grey and looked kinda like a 69. Is that normal? The grey, I mean." Dave felt he was giving Rose a field day with all her analysis, although then again he felt like that every time he said something in front of Rose.

"No, that's not normal. Also, it's a sign, not a symbol. Didn't you pay attention when we learnt about trolls and their culture?" Just as Rose was familiar like a sister, she was annoying like one too.

"That was one lesson Rose. One lesson as part of a lot of stupid lessons mostly about drugs, alcohol and the evil presented to society within teenagers. A lesson that I do my homework in. Anyway, that was, what, last year? I bet not even the other trolls would remember it. Seriously, ask a troll. None of them really knows anything about where they came from apart from that it was called Alternia and there wasn't any humans on it." Dave felt like Rose had corrected him already when she sighed and shook her head.

"Dave, you do realise that homework is supposed to be done at home, right?" Rose sighed.

"Well I don't strife with Bro in the classrooms when I'm supposed to be doing work, so why do work when I could be strifing with my Bro?" Dave argued. Rose sighed and shook her head, as though in defeat.

"We're getting a bit off-topic here, aren't we? We were talking about your new little troll friend." Rose got back on topic, much to Dave's bemusement.

"He's not my friend. He's an asshole." Dave watched as Rose put on her analysing face.

"So, how did you meet? Where was it and what did you say?" Rose wasn't going to shut up until she was done or she was made, and Dave could never make her shut up, so he humoured her a bit, telling her what went down in Maths and then science. Before Rose could reply to his story, Jade Harley skipped in and sat down on the chair Dave's feet were previously on, meaning he now had them dangling down below him. It seemed that today everyone wanted to get into the personal bubble of one Dave Strider.

"Sup Harley." Dave used to have a crush on Jade because of her big, goofy grin and her sunshine and rainbows mentality. Right now, both were being displayed to him, but the closet was long behind him; he couldn't just go running back to its safety no matter how much he wanted to.

"The ceiling, Dave! Anyway, what's this I hear about Dave having a new little friend?" She giggled as Dave momentarily scowled before restoring his coolkid gaze. Damn happy people sucking away at his cool-as-fuck poker face.

"Not my friend." Dave briefly explained what he'd told Rose.

"Well, if I were you I'd just explain how wrong he is about you, make sure he sees it! You'll be friends in no time, you'll see!" Jade giggled. She seemed in a giggly mood today. God damn smiles and crap.

"No, I believe that it'll take a little more than that." And with these mysterious words, Rose hopped off the table and walked out of the tutor room.

"Oh, you've got places to be? Just a quick pit-stop at the Analysing Dave And His Bullshit drive-in before hopping off to see Kanaya dearest for a quick pit-stop down south with her then, right?" This asshole kid had really set Dave off today. John just _had_ to bring him up, didn't he?

*** 

First period was actually kind of alright, although Dave had history with the weirdest-looking teacher with the name of Doc Scratch.

"Welcome, students! I knew in advance of your arrival, and as such have prepared a seating plan." Of course he knew in advance. What kind of teacher was going to teach a lesson and didn't know the students were going to be actually turning up?

"Mr Strider, you sit over there. And next to you will be Mr Vantas. Mr Karkat Vantas. I don't want you two arguing over that rather than what is important, such as the difference between troll and human romance." Now that was some creepy shit. Mr Karkat Vantas plonked himself down next to Dave.

"Just to be clear, I didn't even plan this. I am now well and truly aware of how much of an asshole you are." Dave got his stuff out of his bag, keeping his eyes away from the troll.

"Okay, now you really are confusing me. I thought you were the asshole who was trying to fuck with my shit. But now it seems that you actually gave a crap, and I don't know what to think of you." The troll boy saying that was the last thing Dave expected.

"What?"

"My friend said you were just fucking with me, but now it turns out you aren't. What the actual fuck are your motives?" Mr Karkat Vantas looked confused.

"My motives? I dunno man. I ask that question myself every day. 'What are your motives, Dave?' I have no idea. Maybe this kid who was once called leave me alone, then changed his name to Mr Vantas, but then added a Karkat to it as well. Maybe it's that kid. Or maybe I'm just motivated by the sunshine-and-rainbows machines that I call my friends. And Rose. She sure as hell hasn't got anything to do with sunshines and rainbows, that's one thing I do know." Dave paused for effect, wondering if Mr Karkat Vantas would actually say something. He did.

"I guess Sollux was fucking wrong then." And with that, the day was improved.

*** 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Dave and Karkat improved their friendship dramatically. They had a lot of lessons together, and even though Karkat's friend Sollux seemed kinda judgemental from what Dave had heard, at least he wasn't trying to do a heroic friend-rescue or whatever they do in the movies. Dave was about at the point where he wanted to formally introduce Karkat to John and the others when the project came round.

"Hello again, children. In foresight of the fact most of you will fall ill in a few weeks time, I'm setting you your project today, the instructions are on the board. As it says, you will be working with who you're sat next to, and it will be due back in 2 weeks. Take this lesson to talk it out." There were a few groans as people realised they were going to have to work with people they didn't like, and while Dave and Karkat were happy they would be working with eachother, nobody liked extra work.

"Ugh. Let's take a weekend to work on this so we can get it done without any fucking stress or whatever." Karkat always appeared to be angry, but Dave had come to realise that this was just Karkat being Karkat.

"Okay. So where we gonna meet then?" Dave started thinking of all the places not to go; the park (Full of dipshits), outside the place that little kids and their parents seemed to frequent all the time (They'd look like fucking kidnappers or some shit and get the police called on them), Dave's house (Bro). It took Dave a second to realise Karkat had started talking again.

"-should go to my house then. So, what do you say?" Karkat looked up at Dave.

"Yeah, your place. My Bro will probably be a pain in the ass if we go to mine anyway." Dave stated. Karkat gave a little, split-second smile that anyone but Dave would've missed before looking down at his arm to write down a little self-reminder in all caps about the occasion. Dave wondered what the smile was for momentarily before facing away to write himself a reminder so that Karkat wouldn't see the tiny, responding smile. No need to drop the layers of irony right now.

*** 

Dave knocked on the door of the Vantas residence, only seeing the doorbell afterwards. There was a loud thump, and then Karkat opened the door.

"Hi. Sorry if it's a bit messy." Karkat walked away from the door, allowing Dave to enter. He shut the door behind him like a good houseguest, and walked up the stairs behind Karkat. At the top of the stairs, there was a huge, nasty-looking white crab monster thing. Karkat seemed calm about the whole situation.

"Hey, Dave, meet Crabdad." Karkat walked right past the monster thing like it was nothing. Well, Dave guessed this thing was some fucked up troll equivalent of a parent, and who was he to be rude about troll culture, especially in someone else's house. He decided to drop the subject as they entered Karkat's room. It was decorated with crabs.

"So, Karkat, what's the plan or are we just gonna wing it?" Dave knew that the troll always liked to have a plan when it came to these sorts of things.

"Well, I was thinking that we do it on this," Karkat held up a large piece of red paper. Did he know that was Dave's favourite colour? "But we don't actually write on it; we just stick things on."

"Cool, just one thing. Where are the snacks at?" Dave asked.

"Shit, I left them downstairs. Start, I dunno, researching or whatever, and I'll be right back." Karkat gestured to his laptop sat on his desk before exiting the room. Dave sat down, realising the laptop was already on, wiggling the mouse to make the screen turn on. What Dave was presented with on the screen came as quite the surprise.

'10 REASONS WHY I SHOULDN'T LOVE THE FUCKASS'

Beneath it, Karkat had made a little list.

     '1. WE'RE DIFFERENT SPECIES SO IT WOULD NEVER WORK OUT

  1. MY BLOOD
  2. HUMANS ARE AFRAID OF HAVING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE SAME GENDER AND GUESS WHAT WE ARE



      4.'

There was no text at number 4. Karkat really was bad at not liking people. At that point, Karkat came back in.

"I got the- What are you doing!" Karkat slammed the laptop lid shut.

"I never knew you were into humans." Dave looked at the troll, who was slowly turning red and trying to hide it, although it really wasn't working.

"Shut your mouth, Strider, and let me be fucking embarrassed as fuck by myself." Karkat turned to face away from Dave.

"So, who's the lucky guy?" Dave watched Karkat spin round again.

"Wait, you don't- Never mind, it's nobody. You, uh, wouldn't know them. I got snacks." Karkat gestured to the obvious snacks that had been thrown haphazardly across the floor during Karkat's mad dash to the laptop. Dave looked over at the food.

"You even got apple juice? Damn, Karkat, your snack-getting skills are through the fucking roof, you know that?" Dave picked up the snacks, putting them on the bed in a little pile. "So, let's start then."

"Uh, yeah." Karkat's blush still hadn't gone away when he joined Dave on the bed equipped with knowledge, a crush, and one of those pens that has 4 colours.

***

"Fuck, we've been here for fucking ages and we've still got ages to fucking go." Karkat threw a colouring pencil down in frustration.

"Well, we've done most of the writing, most of what's left is just sticking it all together in a way that will make Doc Scratch go 'Wow, this is really fucking awesome in a way I've already predicted' and whatever." Dave smirked as Karkat giggled, trying to stifle it too late.

"Fuck, Strider I swear you make the worst jokes." Karkat buried his face in his hands, obscuring that little blush that kept popping up. Dave knew what he was doing. He was practically related to Rose Lalonde, if he hadn't picked up some psychological bullshit skills by now he'd failed at life.

"I make the best jokes, don't try and lie to me." For whatever reason, Dave's statement made Karkat facepalm the bed, albeit still laughing.

"Fuck you, Strider." Karkat looked up from the bed and picked his colouring pencil back up, applying it to the paper lazily.

"Maybe some other time. Don't want to ruin the project." Dave pressed pencil to paper as he coloured in Sweet Bro.

"Wait, what?" Karkat's blush had reached the tips of his ears. "Uh, never mind. Let's leave, uh, joking aside and get on with this."

"Yeah, and anyway with your whole buckets thing I bet this would be covered if we did anything." Dave laughed as Karkat yelled at him.

*** 

"Fuck. Did we read the thing wrong or something? Everyone else seems to have the same sort of thing but we have different stuff. Fuck we fucked up didn't we?" Karkat was getting nervous.

"Don't worry. Even if we did Doc Scratch will probably be blown away by our originality." Dave put his arm around Karkat's shoulders, watching that blush form again. Karkat seemed to be really blush-prone recently.

"Fuck off. I bet we'll get no marks for this and fail our final exam thingy whatever." Karkat didn't move Dave's arm from his shoulders, so there it stayed. Doc Scratch walked into the room, late as ever yet perfectly on time.

"Hello, children. I apologise for being late but I was trying to be a good host to the last children." Basically he'd had another class that kept him behind. Dave saw through his bullshit. Dave was friends with people who spewed bullshit in all directions every day. You end up learning to see through this sort of shit eventually.

"Today, you may know, is the day when we hand in our projects. Please pass them forwards and I will tell you the winner. I don't have to decide who it is because I already know." What an asshole.

All the projects were handed forwards, and you could hear an excited buzz as people looked at eachothers. Eventually they were all at the front and Doc Scratch pulled out one from the pile. It seemed to be on a large piece of red paper with ironically (and unironically) bad drawings on it.

"The winners are Dave and Karkat. Here, have your prize." Doc Scratch walked over and handed them a little box of pocky. When Karkat saw it he blushed again. Dave picked it up, looking at the side.

"It has instructions for how to eat it. It says you gotta have 2 people and- Oh, pocky game. Right. Didn't forget that was a thing at all." Dave put the packet down, watching as Karkat pretty much snatched it up and chucked it in his bag, his blush increasing tenfold.

"Fuckass." Was all Karkat said as they got on with the lesson.


End file.
